Wednesday, December 15, 2004


I hate exercise. Typing this is almost exercise. On some deep central core of my being I realise that exercise and eating well are irrelevant.

Am I saying that it is okay to eat any bloody way you want and not get any exercise? That is up to the freedom of each individual and how they measure or value quality of life. You see I know that on the grand time of history of life on this planet so far thing my span of 50 or 90 years of age is infinitesimally irrelevant in the big old timeline. I am fodder for movement forward. See now this would be called nihilism or fatalism but I call it the ultimate revelation. It is totally liberating. You learn that your instances in history are but a moment so all we have is this moment. Why not live it the way your soul feels it must. And then if your soul at some point starts you exercising then you will listen to it for you will know its reason. It wants to experience something different. Not because you are trying to prolong your stay on the big planet and equating quantity with quality. And we have bought into this weird way of valuing life based on a Barbie and Ken living in a Barbie and Ken World. You know a few heavy dashes of some of those seven deadly sins ain’t such a bad thing. BUT still it is all but a mere moment. You know if I knew I was going to die within a year I know I would first go all kubler-ross on your ass but I think the acceptance would come on knowing that so far my life has been a one tonne mother fucker of a roller coaster adventure screeching the tolerance on the track as it break necks through its turns. My moment has been full so far. See even in the darkest caverns where beasts did prowl to ecstasy blazing across blue and golden summer skies I always knew I was alive or not wanting to be alive which is the greatest consciousness of your life when you feel you want to no longer even have a moment more on this earth and then that is mixed with moments of feeling the pulse of the universe in my chest. And that awed me. It whispered in my ear and said – “be free.” I said thank you and have started but I am having a bit of trouble embracing what freedom means in this way. All the old ways are deeply entrenched but I think I am really close, really really close.

Or you know maybe I just need to talk about my negative associations from my childhood with sport and exercising and how they maybe affected my negative behaviour associations with exercise as an adult. Hmmmm, physician heal thyself on that one me thinks.

Or maybe I just need to realise if I am going to smoke pot so much there is a price tag to pay. SO you better keep your ass at the gym and work off that tub of ice cream you ate last night sista! Musssh! Crack that whip, BIATCH!!

And the good thing is I have discovered from last night and tonight if I sit down here at my keyboard and started interacting with people that would spark some writing on what ever we were talking about and that would lead to something totally different and on and on and the next thing I know I find my munchies have subsided and all my energies went into being creative which is what this exercise has been all about to begin with now hasn’t it. Have you noticed I have been pulling of some really long ass sentences that roll on and on but are grammatically correct and you even begin to flow with the sentence because it is like a representation of my thought process as I sit here right now typing this word to you.

Look behind you!


SEE!! Something for everyone!

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